I was at Tim Ho’s today buying breakfast when a 40-ish years old man made eye contact with me. He kept smiling and looking at me. Being me, I automatically smiled back because I’ve been socialized to be nice to people.

That was a huge mistake on my part. He took that as a green light to flirt with me. Helping me with my drink tray, saying hi, trying to start a conversation, smiling at me continuously.

His wife was RIGHT BESIDE US. Luckily, she was too busy getting her food to notice that her husband was trying to flirt with me.

I feel so bad for his wife. Everything about him reminded me of my bf #3. I have no doubt that he will cheat on his wife if given the chance. I recognize this type a mile away now.

——–

My bf #3 was a 2.5 years long relationship. He treated me like a princess always knew what to say and what to do, and I thought he was in love with me. I didn’t realized that he was insecure and emotionally abusive until I got out of the relationship. He was super controlling. I couldn’t watch a movie or go to a new restaurant without him. We needed to “experience” everything together.

Whenever another guy talk to me, he would get upset with me. Instead of having the balls to introduce himself as my bf, he expected me to never interact with another guy.

——–

Then one day, I found his Xanga page and read his posts. My world crashed. I learned that he was juggling between me and another girl at the beginning of our relationship. He didn’t even want me, he wanted the other girl and I was 2nd choice because the other girl wouldn’t date him. I confronted him and he got all pissed that I read his Xanga page, despite the fact that he made his posts public.  I pointed this out to him and he started to cry. I had ABSOLUTELY NO SYMPATHY when he started to cry.

He acted like he was the victim. Needless to say, that relationship went downhill pretty quickly. I tried to end the relationship but he used all sort of guilt tactics on me. It got so bad that I ended up cheating on him. In my friend’s word “You wanted to get out so bad that you did something that was unforgivable so that he would dump you.” It worked. And I got over him in 2 weeks.

It gets better.  He started to talk shit behind my back to EVERYONE. Even people who only met me once years ago. All of my gfs were like “Thank god that’s over.” Apparently, nobody liked him. My dad hated him.

Here’s the kicker:  He was fat, unattractive, and had no ambitions. Yeup, I dated a fat, unattractive, super metro-sexual guy.  People kept telling me I’m “too good” for him but I wouldn’t listen.

He was really charming and smooth. He had more game than B ever did. He probably slept with more girls than B ever did.

That relationship did a huge number on me. I already had trust issues but I couldn’t trust men again for a very very very very long time after that.

Karma: He saw B and I at a restaurant once. B took one look at him and was like “Let’s make out in front of him!”. I couldn’t stop laughing and my ex was sooooooo pissed. He does this weird thing with his mouth whenever he’s mad.

———

So my tip to young girls:

  1. stay away from men that are much older than you. There’s usually a reason why they can’t get women their age. The obvious answer is they don’t want him. And they have valid reasons to not want him.
  2. stay away from men who are insecure. It doesn’t matter how he looks, if he’s insecure, just walk away. Insecure men are much more prone to being abusive. The emotionally abusive ones are the most insidious so it’s best to just STAY FAR AWAY from the beginning.
  3. Don’t cheat. If you do, no matter how horrible the guy was to you, you’ll come out of it looking like the bad guy. Just dump his ass and move on.

 

 

2 thoughts on “Ex bf #3”

  1. Honestly what is with these married men who don’t understand the vow “I forsaken all others”? I know this doesn’t apply to everyone (polygamous couples) but I can’t believe he had the audacity to flirt in front of his wife! Ok I’m calm.

    Thanks for writing this post, it was a good read and it feels like I know you a bit more personally too. Good on you for leaving him even if it was difficult. It just baffles me how he victimized himself and resorted to crying thinking he’d get sympathy. *cue eye roll*

    What I want to know is: so did you and B make out in front of him? hahaha

    1. I know right?! I was mortified that the man did that in front of his wife. No respect for her and she’d probably throw her coffee at me if she had noticed it. Sadly, we did not make out in front of my ex. There were too many people at the restaurant and I was too shy at the time. LOL.

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