I value honesty. It’s pretty high up on my value list.
It’s my preferred mode of communication. I’ve had to learn the hard way that most people don’t like the truth. And I’m not interested in being the hated messenger so I’ve learned to keep my observations to myself and be more tactful. My usual line is “Do you want the nice version or my honest opinion?”
My friends hate hearing that line.
If I don’t like someone, it is impossible for me to fake it. I’m not a dick. I don’t go out of my way to be blatantly hateful but you will know immediately when I don’t like you.
So growing up, it has been incredibly difficult for me to trust people because everyone lies to some degree. Once I get a chance to become best friends with someone and I detect their first lie, that was it, I no longer consider them to be a best friend.
To get close to me, you have to be an honest person. I can’t date or be good friends with people who lies to others and to themselves. How will they improve as a person if you don’t tell them the truth? And how will you improve as a person if you can’t face the truth? I appreciate honesty from people when I know it comes from a good place and because they have my best interest at heart. However, I can spot cruelty and manipulation in the guise of “honesty”. I just have this “gut feeling” and I’ve never been wrong. These people get the boot out of my life as well.
Why is this so important to me? Because I need to be able to trust you. I have “trust issues” as B puts it.
But it’s also because I’m extremely loyal. If you have my trust, you have my loyalty. And I’m the kind of person that will put my neck on the chopping board to protect you. If I succeed, I will do everything in my power to help you get there too. That’s how I roll.
If we were ever in a fight against someone, I will never leave you and save myself. But for me to give someone that kind of dedication, I need to know you’d do the same for me. And if you’ve lied to me once, I know you’ll lie to me again. Unfortunately, I don’t have much faith in humanity’s inherent goodness.
We’re actually all about self preservation.
My psychiatrist thinks my “trust issues” stems from being neglected, abused, and exposed to violence at a young age.
My couselor thinks I was just born this way. He categorized and calls me an ENTJ. Dude was close, I’m closer to an INTJ.
Whatever the case is, I highly value honesty. I try to live it and I look for this in the people that I want in my life.
Am I gonna walk around, judge and look down on people who aren’t always honest? Not at all. I understand that life is cruel and the human psyche is fragile. Not everyone have the same values as I do – and I respect that.
I’m all about “you do you, just don’t harm innocent bystanders while you’re at it.”