For the longest time, I wasn’t aware that B is more Japanese in his conduct than Canadian. If he wanted me to do something or get something, he’ll phrase it as a suggestion. “Do you wanna have hot pot?”, “Are you thirsty?”, “You feel like having junk don’t you?”
What he really meant are: “I feel like having hot pot”, “Can you get me water?”, “I want junk food.”
For the longest time, if he was lucky, I’d say “yes”. If not, I’ll flat out say “no”, leaving the man high and dry.
He then starts to insist that I do want those things when I say “no”. I usually fall for food suggestions because I’m a piggy. But there would be times where I’d snap and tell him to piss off. I don’t like ppl pushing things on me.
After 5-6 years, I finally clued in. I’m really slow with people. I’ve since then asked him to be more direct but it doesn’t really work. His Japanese style of communication makes me so paranoid sometimes. As if I need to over analyze MORE things in my life. I’ve gotten a bit better but it’s still confusing. I’ve resorted to saying “I don’t want it, but if you do, then go ahead”. Or “it’s OK to ask me to get you water.”
His mom has tried to explain to me how Japanese communication works but I’m still struggling.
“Only 30% is communicated. You have to figure out 70% on your own.”
“That’s how we communicate.”
“What if I misunderstand?”
“You observe and see if you’re right or not”
“Oh dear god…” (I’m so screwed)
I’m naturally direct by nature and I already struggled as a child in VN. Canada was like a breath of fresh air for me.
Not to mention human emotions and empathy escape me on a regular basis.
Ppl weren’t joking when they said dating a Japanese man can get frustrating. B used to declare that I falsely advertised myself. I feel like it’s time I throw the same comment back at him. His impeccable English threw me off and I thought he was mostly Canadian.
Stupid me should’ve clued in but I was all starry eyed with his charms.
Dude grew up in Japan for the first 18 yrs of his life. He speaks only Japanese to his mom. He wants a stay at home wife. He wish I was softer and gentler. He hates conflicts and is indirect. His people observation skill is off the chart. I can go on….
No wonder we clashed regularly and I feel like we speak two different languages when we communicate.
Oh the irony of dating my first non-Asian man. I ended up dating possibly the most Asian of them all.